Southern Rebels

Amidst all the major news of the day is a very small story about a group of women who are to march in the Inauguration Day Parade next week. I am sure the ladies of the Mobile Azalea Trail Maids are excitedly packing their antebellum costumes which they will proudly wear as they stroll down the parade route next week. Except there are some who want to stop them. Apparently the Alabama NAACP now feels that even the dresses worn during the mid 1800s will remind people of slavery and therefore should not be allowed. (Duh, the theme of the Inauguration is Lincoln…)

I would have laughed off this story if it wasn’t for a book I had requested, and received, for Christmas: The Politically Incorrect Guide to the South. A year or so ago I discovered this bestselling series of books titled The Politically Incorrect Guide To…. ranging from The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History to The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex and Feminism. I had already read and thoroughly enjoyed their books on Islam, Capitalism and Global Warming and wanted to see what they said about my beloved South.

A major theme of the Politically Incorrect Guide to the South is that liberals, northerners and even some fellow southerners are all trying to eradicate Southern history, Southern pride and everything that differentiates us from the rest of the country. As the author stated “The South is all about memory, heritage, and pride of place," writes Clint Johnson. "I refuse to go along with the expunging of that memory, heritage, and pride, and I hope the readers of this book, Northern and Southern, will rise up and join me in protesting those who are trying to do it."

Before trying to ban antebellum dresses there first was the complete eradication of the Confederate flag. This used to be flown everywhere in the South but now is as rare as a manger scene outside City Hall at Christmas time. What the North never understood is that to Southerners, or white Southerners I should say, the Confederate flag represented rebellion not slavery. During the War Between the States, most of the Confederate soldiers were not plantation owners with hundreds of slaves. They fought not to keep slavery but because they didn’t want the North to tell them what to do. They were proud of their home, town, state and nation but only in that order so for most Confederates it was all about state’s rights vs. federalism not slavery.

For more than 150 years Northerners have tried to tell Southerners how to live. After the war, the South was occupied by the hated Northern militia, citizens were stripped of the right to vote and when they could vote, Congress refused to seat their elected Senators and Congressmen, and Northern carpetbaggers took advantage of the defeated and financially ruined South. And yet the South still kept alive that small flame of pride and rebellion that pushed them to secede in the first place.

The attack on the South continues through today. Crimes are perpetuated on the South that would be called hate crimes if on any other group. Our churches are frequently attacked. Anyone with a Southern accent is considered stupid and uneducated. Our politeness is sneered at. Our colleges are ridiculed. Our conservatism is construed as being out of touch and backwards. And our Southern citizens are considered to be uncultured at best and hicks at worst. In this age of “diversity”, how ironic that the South is denigrated because of its uniqueness and attacked for not conforming!

Yet no matter what the rest of the country has put us through I suppose some might say that we still cling to “our guns and our religion”. Damn right. The North has tried to squash us under its thumb but somehow we have still retained our proud heritage which does indeed include our guns and religion. But there is a lot more to us than that. We do have a lot to be proud about as the South has produced more Presidents and more soldiers than any other region, and this is still the fastest growing region in the country. And it is our Southern rebellion which created our best music (Rock ‘n Roll, Soul, Blues, Jazz and of course Country), our best drinks (Coke and Tennessee Whiskey, to name just a few) and some of our tastiest foods (Southern, Cajun, Bar-B-Q, TexMex et al.).

So you can take away our symbols but we don’t need our flags or even our dresses to still be proud of our heritage or our rebelliousness. In fact, all of your attacks on our home, our beliefs and on our heritage will only feed that Southern bad boy or girl in each of us. For we rebels love nothing better than to fight for a good cause, especially if it is a lost one… Yet win or lose we will always have that famous Southern rebel yell which we will cry out until the last Southerner is standing.

Now go ahead and try to stop those lovely antebellum ladies of the south from walking in the Inauguration Day Parade. They may look dainty and sweet, or even silly in those frilly outfits but beneath their petticoats beat Southern hearts, rebel hearts. They may still lose this battle but I hope they stamp their little high heeled feet, channel their inner Scarlet and politely but firmly tell the NAACP to go to hell!