How Did This Happen?

I have a question. No it’s not about radical Islams or terrorists nor is it about what’s happening in Georgia or Iraq. I am not even asking who McCain or Obama are picking for Veep or if China or US will win more medals. No, I am taking a break from all that for today. What I want to know is this: When did my bathroom counter and cabinets look like some old person is living in my house?

Sure my question might sound petty to you, but obviously you’re under 40 where there is only one pill, The Pill, to be concerned about. (Did I just show my age? Does The Pill still stand for the birth control pill or do people now think of Viagra instead?) Anyway, it is ironic to think how excited we were when we got that first prescription. A whole generation of young women seemed to be suffering from excruciating periods that required that beautiful, wonderful little pill. Today it is no big deal and in fact mothers are taking their teenage daughters to get the pill. Yes, the times they are a changing. I mean, really, could you imagine going with your mother to get on the pill when you were 17 much less when you were 13?

But back to my bathroom counter. I took a look at it today and wondered if maybe my grandmother was staying with me, until I realized she’s been dead for over a decade. So that means that all those bottles of pills and creams and other crap are mine. Yikes! How did I go from that one little prescription to a whole pharmacy?

Ok, so instead of the pill today I have a hormone replacement pill. Ugh. But that’s just for starters. Are you like me and have high blood pressure? Then you have at least one if not two more pills to take every day. Then there are pills for arthritis and pills for allergies and pills for your heart. And I don’t care if Sally Fields only takes one pill a month for osteoporosis it is still yet another bottle of pills in your bathroom cabinet!

It doesn’t stop just with prescribed pills. My cabinets are also overflowing with over the counter pills. At least two or three times a week I am reaching for a pill to take care of acid reflux. Yuck. Just the name of that sounds gross. What I don’t understand is that I don’t recall ever hearing about acid reflux 20 years ago much less suffering from it back then. But if those pills don’t work then I have a bottle of Tropical Fruit Tums (think fake fruit flavored chalk) and two thirds of a bottle of that gelatinous pink stuff.

Do you have a cold? Then you’ve come to the right place. I have a half empty bottle of that marvelous grape syrup for colds and sniffles and sneezes and coughs. If that sure fire remedy doesn’t work then I have a handful of zinc tablets, some cough drops which are stuck together into one big piece and a bottle of some vile green stuff but the lid seems to be glued on and won’t come off. And if you think you have a fever you’re in luck as I have not one but two thermometers.

Then there are all the pain medications that take up almost a whole cabinet themselves. I have pain pills for every type of pain imaginable. And as I get older not only do I have more pains but I am discovering areas on my body that I didn’t realize could even become painful!

Speaking of painful, bending down to look into my counters under the sink is painful on so many levels. But once down there, it is almost worth the aching knees and back. You see looking into my cabinets is like walking down history. Take my hair care products, for example. I actually still have old fashion foam curlers, hot curlers from the 80’s, three sizes of curling irons (for large, medium and small curls of course) and a flat iron for when I don’t want curls. Do you have a sprain? I have three or four ace bandages of varying sizes not to forget the two ice packs in the freezer in addition to the two heating pads somewhere under the sink. But I have discovered that I don’t seem to use cotton balls anymore. I found a nearly full package that I bought in the 1970s!

Oh shoot, all of this is giving me a headache. I wonder if I should take a pill or a capsule or a powder for my pain and if I want it regular strength, maximum strength or prescription float to the ceiling strength? Actually this has been so stressful I think I better just reach back into the cabinet and grab one of my two blood pressure cuffs because I can just feel my blood pressure rising….